The Bipolar

I don’t know what the hell is happening to me.

One second I’m so happy and next I’m like a riot. One time I’m inspired next I’m so depressed like the world’s gonna collapse soon. It seems like I’m taken aback from a sudden feeling of loneliness and I’m to pessimistic to think about positive things. Like, all I know is the world hates my existence. I don’t really know what words to say in this, I’m too speechless. I’d rather sulk on the corner and not bother anyone for the whole day.

I want to be happy all the time but there’s a certain voice in my head that’s telling me not to. That, in the end, I’d only regret everything because it will all go back to the routine: Sadness. Yes, back to the same old drama so why should I bother being happy? There’s something in me that I’d really like to change but it’s me. It’s within me and I’m only a human and humans don’t usually do things easily especially if it involves personalities because we are born with them. We are who we are.

I’d really like to change for the better because people don’t think I’m not good enough with everything. Every one else just underestimates me. And worse, people –  and in general, nobody likes me. Nobody wants to be at my side and listen to my endless talks about gods and goddesses, about the book of Paulo Coelho, about the desk I have in my bed that is really full of books and my fave rock bands. Nobody wants me because I’m so introvert.

And don’t pretend to like me and console me because I’ll only feel worse. Thanks.


8 thoughts on “The Bipolar

  1. One of the posts that makes me wish you’re near me. You know I like you Twin. I like you very much. You’re a great friend. You’re a great person. I would like to listen to all your stories. Especially if it involves the things you mentioned above. You can talk to me. Just send me messages. I may not reply to all of them, but I will sure read them. There are ways.
    Don’t be afraid to be happy. Sure, we can’t be happy all the time. And you know what, that makes happiness appear more desirable. Be happy. If you will be sad after, at least you had become happy. And just bear in mind that when you’re sad, there’s happiness along the way that you could always look forward to.
    Don’t feel alone. I’m like you. And there are loads of people out there that are like us also. And they are happy about who they are. And you should be too.
    I know this is such a foolish comment for you said in the last part that no one shall console you but I just have to make you feel that you are not alone as you think you are. I really like you Twin. I would not have stuck up with you for 2 years if I do not.
    This is not a make believe. I like you for who you are. Scratch that.. I love you. :)

  2. PS: Don’t give me the reason that I have not been with you physically yet so I don’t know what I’m really talking about. There’s something about you.. That made me so sure that you are worth everything. Especially my time. There’s something about you that made me sure that I am determined to be your friend til I can’t no more. I’m sure about you. I like you that much twin. :D

  3. PPS: (before I gtfo of your blog) If it makes you feel better.. In one of those moments that I have been overthinking.. I actually planned all the names of my future children. Yeah, I’m weird like that. HAHA. And my future second child.. my daughter.. will be named Erza Scarlet. And You.. yes you.. Young lady, is one of my planned Godmothers. Srsly. I’m not kidding. I’m not saying this to make you feel better. I have thought of this already. I have some parts of my future planned out and one of the plans is that we will meet often and strengthen our friendship. And then well, you’ll gonna be erza’s godmother.
    And by the way, you’re cordially invited to my future wedding :D

  4. Just when I feel that everything is too hard, there you are always cheering me up. It did make me feel better. I just came home now and I feel terrible for not knowing the drums lessons that my friends are taking and you know how badly I want to play drums. I feel so sick! I want to learn drums so much. I just want to cry right now and when I opened this account, I just cried reading your long comments. Thank you so much. Despite of me, not wanting someone to console me, you were there. What will I be without you?

  5. You’ll be who you are. Only much stronger. For even without any help from others, you sure will stand up again and again for yourself. :)

    I know that. I want that too. yet I can’t. Chances are swift, most of the times. But I learned to never stopped trying. I felt sad when most of my friends can play instruments and I’m left alone with my pen and my keyboard. I thought I was left out. But no. I am not. And You are not. You can learn to play it. Hundreds of oppurtunities are stretched out in front of you. You have all the time. You have all the people who can teach you. In times like this, we forget to appreciate what we have. You can write. You can create pictures. You can create something memorable. Don’t forget that.
    You maybe can’t learn to play drums. But remember the latter part of that. You can’t learn to play drums.. FOR NOW. Not forever. Cheer up Twin. What my friends taught me is that it is never too late to learn something you really want. You’ll have your time :)
    And if the fact that your other friends are already learning and you feel left out because you’re not in the moment, think of the bright side. At least now, you earned more tutors. Not only one person can teach you but there are many of them. You will not run out of teachers. Aint that awesome? :)

  6. I wish that I’ll be optimistic just like you. I’ll be gone for a while. I can’t think properly with these tears rushing from my eyes. I can’t see things with my blurry sight and what hurts more are these words saying I wish I’ll be optimistic just like you.

    so long.

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