Subverting My Supposed Paradigms

Being labeled as moody, sensitive, dependent and weird, I have been struggling to change myself to be better. Or maybe to be more accepted, because people always say otherwise. And it really bother me that they see me that way. I blame myself for being me and sometimes, I despise myself. I don’t think I am accepted for what I feel and what I do because other people seem to misunderstand me.

And I found this little gem that left me teary eyed and I want to share it to you, reader:
Stop minimizing and discounting your feelings. You have every right to feel the way you do. Your feelings may not always be logical, but they are always valid. Because if you feel something, then you feel it and it’s real to you. It’s not something you can ignore or wish away. It’s there, gnawing at you, tugging at your core, and in order to find peace, you have to give yourself permission to feel whatever it is you feel. You have to let go of what you have been told and what you “should” and “shouldn’t” feel. You have to drown out the voices of people who try to shame  you into silence. You have to listen to the sound of your own breathing and honor the truth inside you. Because despite what you may believe, you do not need anyone’s validation or approval to feel what you feel. Your feelings are inherently right and true. They’re important and they matter – you matter – and it is more than okay to feel what you feel. Don’t let anyone, including yourself, feel otherwise.
As a friend told me (you know who you are), people don’t always understand. yes, it’s normal to change emotions, the only thing with us that unlike others, we do our switching of emotions inside our heads. It comes with thinking, over or not. One minute we’re happy then in our heads we think about these things and the next thing they know, we’re in a different emotion.

In our minds, we’re not moody at all. Because we know the flow of our thoughts an din turn, our flow of emotions. However, other people don’t know these thoughts that we had and so they don’t understand our shift. So they chalk it up with random emotions when in truth, it’s not random at all.

I think what frustrates them the most, especially those friends we have, is that they’re supposed to know us yet they don’t understand the shift of our moods. they might feel like being left out  and so they take the supposed flaws in us and treat it as our irrationalities.

I rarely believe in myself, because I think that I am such a failure but then again, there are few people who still stick with me no matter what I do and no matter who I am. And for that, life is better.

And thank you, reader. For always coming back to the stories I have to tell.

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