Of all the heartaches I have been before,

This might be the worst.

And I’m not even talking about a boy. It’s true what they say- when things get rough with a friend, it’s so much worse. I hate arguing with people. Especially my friends. I have been happy for almost three weeks straight. And this weekend, I lost my streak. Remind me again how could somebody can turn my world upside down? I’m so weak. And I’m not proud of it. But then again, I guess I should not blame other people for what I feel. I’m my own biggest enemy after all. And I cannot ignore the fact that the usual me is a depressed, egotistical, sarcastic, ugly bitch. Who am I kidding when I told myself that very Monday morning that I’m happy? That day, people could tell I have changed. For the better, at least. All of a sudden, I’m like the cool kid. The jock. The laugh. They would know they could count on me to make them smile in one way or another. It felt good, actually. To fake happiness until it turns to reality. It was surprisingly easy how I could rewire my processed thoughts in my brain and turn it into happy clouds. So not me.
And then, all of a sudden.. I snap. I should have seen this coming. I should have known I am not Ms. Sunshine all through out. It took me just under a minute to realize that today. I’m faking it. Now I’m faking myself.

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