I’m watching ‘Someone Great’ on Netflix for the nth time. This is my go-to heartbreak movie when I’m sad and I want to succumb to my sadness and cry a little bit more.
So I’ve been in love and still in love and the challenge here is: I’m me.
‘In my head I do everything right,
When you call, I’ll forgive and not fight’
I think it’s because I’m such a dumbass and sensitive and a cry-baby and (I can’t stress this further), a bitch. I keep messing things up with my boyfriend. I can’t end the day without finding something to argue about. It’s honestly so irritating to be with me. Shit, I can’t even understand why he loves me.
At this point, I would totally get it if he ignores me because I got jealous over some stupid things from the past but my brain is like, no no no tell him something so you’ll have his attention.
I’m so tired of being me.
Can I just take a break from being the baby that I am and have a mature relationship for a change?
If he leaves me, I won’t know what to do.
Is there someone else who can adjust and love me? I don’t think so.
Could it be that I’m opening my heart once again? That after all the hurt, the disappointment and the unanswered questions, I’ll take my beating heart out of my chest?
I have known you for so long that I can’t even point where I started having this strange feeling I feel in my gut. We were good friends, I know. But can this escalate to another level? Are we capable of exploring that?
I don’t want to mess this up. Honestly, I’m scared because I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want this to end like the ones before you.
Please don’t stop happening to me.
I’m gonna make this post short.
This is it, the last days of the year of our Lord, 2017. But I’m still alive and breathing, and feeling for that matter. This year gave me few heartaches, struggles and blessings. I’ve been brokenhearted twice and for God’s sake I don’t wanna go over that feeling again. But who am I to be exempted from that shitty mess?
All I know is I’m still trying to love me. A constant struggle, I know. But a new year can make new hopes, right?
Sucks to be the one crying but hey, I’m done with that. I’ll miss you, Jake but I’m putting the final dot here.
And it takes all my strength not to dig you up
From the ground in which you lay
The biggest part of me
You were the greatest thing
And now you’re just a memory
To let go of
I may have seen this chaos coming, but I beg the universe to somehow make a miracle and to please, for once, let me get what my heart wants.
This is me saying goodbye to you. From all the laughter and pain you brought, I’m saying goodbye to all of them.
This is me allowing my heart to heal. From all the trouble it went through.
I’m letting myself breathe.
This is me thanking you for everything. I have learned so much from you. And I’m learning that sometimes, love is not enough.
This is me finally letting go.
Darling, when I say, “You are the compilation of the most beautiful things in the Universe”, I don’t only mean, “You are a shot of morphine in my veins” or “I could write a thousand love notes about how wonderful you are – that even in your darkness I see the light”.
Babe, I mean, “If everyone has a heart as pure as yours, there’ll be no more violence, anger and sadness”.
I miss you, baby come back.