Day 2 of Learning

Babe, I still think about you. About us. About our little love story. Or perhaps, our own story about love.

I read somewhere that when you truly love someone, you would not care about the heartbreak. I guess this is true since I have felt great and immense amount of love for you that even if you have broken my heart, its pieces would still long for you. Say it’s pathetic but isn’t that what we are all going for? To be madly in love and forget the whole world and the shenanigans that comes with it. Because from what I know, love is rarely mutual. So when you find it, grab it. Never let it go. Because when you are happy, why should you care about the past heartaches and the endless possibilities of the future? This is love, kid. And if that’s true love, you don’t throw it away.

You pursue. You thrive. You work hard for it. Life is never easy. So when you find that inspiration, embrace it. Because the universe is unpredictable. And I think I’m fortunate enough to have you in this weird world.

Too bad we’re stuck in being in love. And love, babe, is not that simple. When you love, you commit. We both have to adjust, sacrifice and put effort. Maybe you are not ready today, but I cannot inspire you to love me without knowing what’s the future of us. And in this case, if we really have a future.

 

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a love letter from outer space

In another universe, it could have been the best love story in the history of love stories. Where you love me and I love you back and everybody else are rooting for us while things are perfectly aligned just like we’re supposed to be the pair we’re destined to be.

Maybe in another universe, we are not separated by a hundred miles. Where we could meet anytime we want, especially when I need a good laugh and when you need someone to lean on when the world is such a hassle and we both need someone to listen to our weird stories. Where maybe we can find the right balance of attachment and aloneness. Just the right amount to let us know we’ll still run back to each other’s arms.

Maybe in another universe, I wasn’t all this messed up. Maybe I could love you without any hesitations and fear that you wouldn’t love me back. Where I give you the sweetest smile each time I see you and especially when you need it. Where I understand that everything you do makes you happy. Where I could send you text messages and not worry why you wouldn’t reply back instantly. Where I don’t doubt us and overthink about non-existent things and get lost in my wrong thoughts.

Maybe there is a universe out there that is happening right now, where we are face to face falling in love.

But I thank the heavens still, because darling, I know you in this universe. That in this planet with billions of people and billions of heartbeats, yours is in sync with mine. That in every waking day for the last month, I see you. Not because you’re with me at the moment but because everything reminds me of you. It’s comforting that I have you in our little universe where we are both honest about what we feel. Where we do not sugarcoat our words like silly kids to give false hopes and expectations. In fact, we accept every fault we have and all the disappointments that comes with it.

I’m happy that you and I both exist in a universe where you love me and I love you back.

And if the theory of multiverse truly exists, that not only one universe is happening at the very moment, which our universe is not the only one, but many universes exist parallel to each other, that there are several other universe and planets and lives and hearts colliding, I wouldn’t want anybody else. My love, you make my heart beat when you laugh. I’m in love with you. You. I wouldn’t want anybody else to give me another heartbreak in any universes but you.

Here’s someone for you, someone for Universe.

for him

I’d have you
at five in the afternoon,
When you needed someone to talk to,
a friend who will listen when you want to run away from them all.

I’d have you
at nine in the evening,
When the world is still spinning and time still running
Yet you wanted to walk through that street
While all the cars drove past us
and I learned new things about you.

I’d have you
an hour later,
When you’re sipping that coffee in your hand and holding your still-beating heart on the other,
As the night creeps in,
our conversations got deeper,
my heart more and more unafraid.

I’d have you
at midnight,
When we part ways and said our goodbyes,
I whispered “take care” and meant it.
Hugged you for a second then let you go.
And as I watched you turn to that street corner,
I smiled to the sky and prayed a little prayer
That maybe someday you’ll feel the same way as I do.

I’d have you
first thing in the morning,
When your name pops in my notification
and an automatic smile appeared in my face
Not only you’re in my dreams
but you’re in my world too.

I’d have you
at ten in the morning,
While I thought I know a lot of things,
you’re there giving me new ideas
And my brain is a sponge absorbing it all.

I’d have you
at noon,
When it’s raining and we’re watching the movies you like
It’s like you’re opening yourself to me.
And I’d like to take a look into your world and maybe stay there.

I’d have you
at seven in the evening,
When you’re sitting next to me singing
and I realized how lovely you are
and how you’re unafraid of who you are
and how I know I wouldn’t want anybody else.

I’d have you
at nine in the evening,
With that one last hug before the night ends,
And I told you to keep moving forward
And you smiled and told me you already did.
As I make my way home I know I’ll never have the courage
to tell you to move towards me.

I’d have you
yesterday, today and tomorrow.
When we’re both ready to open our hearts
For you to accept that she does not want you anymore
And I,
to accept that you’ll never have me the same way I have you.

Youth.

I am writing this as a 17-year old girl who will– eventually, turn 18 in less than a month. And as so, I want to express what my youth taught me.

I always loved being a kid. I never wanted to grow up (not to mention I stopped counting my age when I was 15). It like, there’s fun time all the time. Not worrying about my appearance, my behavior, my uncanny manners. It’s weird that I’m actually gonna be a young adult in a short time. When I entered grade school, I never hurried and never anticipated growing up and expecting things that will mold me to what I wanted to be. I never dreamed about my dreams. All I ever do is to think about games, study and procrastinate.

Great things happen when you’re a kid. You are not told to do things especially the household chores. It is not important that you do things perfectly because you are not expected to be a hundred percent precise to things like adults are ought to be. You magically transfer to bed when you fell asleep on the couch. You don’t care if you don’t have money because Mama will always provide for you (except for too much sweets). And it is not embarrassing if you held your Mama’s hand while crossing the road.

Of course, there are things we don’t like about being a kid. Napping is first. I never want to sleep in the afternoon! There are bullies (but there are too, when you’re adult) and first loves.

I believe kids can do so much nowadays. To prove that, there are a lot of names of kids from different countries with high intelligence, skills and understanding. One of which is Adora Svitak. Her writings have blown me away. I have watched her speech on TED and one of her topic is on how adults can learn from kids. As she said,

“You must lend an ear today, because we are the leaders tomorrow” 

Which is true, because this generation will push the world forward. She inspired a lot of people and her speaking ability is absolutely astonishing.

Another great kid is the winner of Junior Masterchef Australia, Isabella Bliss. From the first episode, I admired her capability to cook and impress the judges as well. She proved that kids can cook like pros.

As a kid, Pope Joan was a good model. She knew her passion about God, and had the intelligence to pursue her dreams. There are a lot of down-side of her life as a kid but even though she’s been pushed by her own father, her desire to become a better person did not dissolve.

You see, there are quite a lot for me to think about when I eventually turn 18. To tell you the truth, I am just scared of the future. And to think that sooner, I’m gonna be independent and do things on my own cracks me. I guess I’m not ready to face new challenges. And I’m still reminiscing the past.

And if there’s any way I could turn to be a kid again and do the same things over and over again, I’ll do it. Because I am free to do things. There are no problems and my family will always be there for me.

The future is scary, but at the same time, excites me. I just pray things will be better.