before I leave work today

In exactly 16 minutes, I’ll be done with today’s work.

But within the whole 9-hour shift, my mind is occupied with the idea of you. No, I do not consider you as a distraction because I can pretty much handle my responsibilities (also, I have only a few tasks today).

I don’t think you have any idea how much I think about you. And that’s a pretty big deal to me. Sometimes I miss the old me, the one who will only worry about what should I eat for lunch, what should I do next weekend, where should I go next month.

But now the idea of us is probably what keeps me up all night. I dream about you to, I’m just too scared to tell you the details.

All I know is, each time I wake up, no matter where I am, I always think about you first. And I really really want you to know that you tell me your good mornings too. In our language, that means you thought of me too, the moment you opened your eyes.

I keep on praying that this will be the last relationship I’ll ever be in. I don’t want anyone else, dear. Just you.

I once sent you a lengthy message of how I feel and I’m so happy you accepted my emotions and not make me feel awkward about it.

Can you always hug me and kiss my cheek when all the words have been spoken and what’s left are our deep sighs? Can you always hold my hand and be my warmth and pull me closer and touch my fingers and look into my eyes like you want to swim into my thoughts?

It’ll take forever for me to know you and that’s one thing I won’t ever be tired of.

You’re my dearest, E.

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Hello, stranger

Could it be that I’m opening my heart once again? That after all the hurt, the disappointment and the unanswered questions, I’ll take my beating heart out of my chest?

I have known you for so long that I can’t even point where I started having this strange feeling I feel in my gut. We were good friends, I know. But can this escalate to another level? Are we capable of exploring that?

I don’t want to mess this up. Honestly, I’m scared because I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want this to end like the ones before you.

Please don’t stop happening to me.

Leaving you behind

I’m gonna make this post short.

This is it, the last days of the year of our Lord, 2017. But I’m still alive and breathing, and feeling for that matter. This year gave me few heartaches, struggles and blessings. I’ve been brokenhearted twice and for God’s sake I don’t wanna go over that feeling again. But who am I to be exempted from that shitty mess?

All I know is I’m still trying to love me. A constant struggle, I know. But a new year can make new hopes, right?

Sucks to be the one crying but hey, I’m done with that. I’ll miss you, Jake but I’m putting the final dot here.

Goodbye, babe. Good night.

And it takes all my strength not to dig you up
From the ground in which you lay
The biggest part of me
You were the greatest thing
And now you’re just a memory
To let go of

I may have seen this chaos coming, but I beg the universe to somehow make a miracle and to please, for once, let me get what my heart wants.

This is me saying goodbye to you. From all the laughter and pain you brought, I’m saying goodbye to all of them.

This is me allowing my heart to heal. From all the trouble it went through.
I’m letting myself breathe.

This is me thanking you for everything. I have learned so much from you. And I’m learning that sometimes, love is not enough.

This is me finally letting go.

I miss you, come back.

Darling, when I say, “You are the compilation of the most beautiful things in the Universe”, I don’t only mean, “You are a shot of morphine in my veins” or “I could write a thousand love notes about how wonderful you are – that even in your darkness I see the light”.

Babe, I mean, “If everyone has a heart as pure as yours, there’ll be no more violence, anger and sadness”.

I miss you, baby come back.